25 Going on 17

“My only advantage as a reporter is that I am so physically small, so temperamentally unobtrusive, and so neurotically inarticulate that people tend to forget that my presence runs counter to their best interests. And it always does. That is one last thing to remember: writers are always selling somebody out.” - Joan Didion

Iguazú Falls, Argentina | July 2019

Didion said it better than I ever could: an unassuming disposition has its perks.

I’ve had a baby face, since I was--well, a baby. I got older and grew taller, but my large eyes never shrank and my round face never lengthened. Having child-resembling features means that I automatically look much younger than I am, something that strangers remind me “you’ll be very grateful for when you get older!,” usually to back-peddle after they’ve just asked what grade I’m in.

Waiters handed me kids’ menus well into my adolescence, and I’ve had my ID rejected as “fake” on multiple occasions. When the local mall announced in 2017 that anyone under 18 would not be allowed to stay past 8pm, security approached me while working my retail job to ask me to leave. (The latter presented an especially awkward situation.)

The accumulation of these small instances jaded me over time. Passers-by meant well by offering to help me with simple tasks (to carry groceries, for instance), but my pride shot them down every time. My stubborn spirit would rather give them a “no thank you” and spill my eggs on the ground than confirm their suspicions about my small frame. I grew averse to accepting help, even if I needed it.

But my apparently helpless demeanor does provide some unexpected benefits. People can be easily impressed when I do something normal, like speak my mind, eat my weight at a buffet, or lift anything heavier than 10 lbs. 

I tend to think that if I must battle these assumptions, I best use them to my advantage. To be extremely unintimidating, absolutely approachable, “cute,” swings some situations in my favor. It’s easier to treat rules as suggestions if no one incriminates you for breaking them. This proved especially useful in journalism school. 

“Oh, I’m not supposed to be here? I’m so sorry. I’ll leave now.” I’ve said this many times while photographing something, somewhere I knew I had no business.

Other well used phrases: “I would really appreciate the refund. Is there someone else I can speak with?” And famously, “You’re right, I was speeding. I won’t do it again.”

Flattery and humility (whether genuine or feigned) go a long way in getting what you want, but a baby face does too. When strangers remind me that I should be thankful for looking young, they have no idea why I already am.